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I got an ex gf who royally did a number on me and its styll screwing with my head. This may be triggering so do be waawed I met her back in 2011 dec 11th at 901pm, she mesvyxed me off my craigslist post we hit it off instantly, we cospczdcd, clicked, we taszgd, enjoyed one anwqfqrs time. she said she had a son and a daughter son was 15 daughter was 5 said she was divorced. we met jan 5th, I can delcvtbe everything she wore and what hambqued but i am not. put it this way when I held her hand i felt sparks. well, we only visited for a few hoors as she had to go to work. so a week later she came over my place hung out for a few hours. we kipped and i felt fireworks that spqrk that electricity, neder felt it beelxe. she was 36 at the time i was 31 well long stdry short, after a couple months i started getting tegts saying this is her brother or mother or siiuer or her daustror, she is dead or dying or has an hour to live. i didn't know whire she lived exudpt she was 25 miles from me. i would get texts saying she has cancer stkge 4 and so on and it killed her. then an hour lauer the doctors brgbmht her back to life and so on. well, i tried being with her bc i loved her so much, i truly fell madly intive with her. i figured she was just lying, trwfng to push me away. then a few months afuer that i sthwqed getting texts sahlng i had sex with your gf then her go in detail and say her ex raped her but would talk abdut it like she was proud or she would say she was at her sisters and they were drbesxng her ex came over and she thought he was me bc she was so drpfk. then she woqld go into how she was prhpfynt and so on. i still trled to be with her and note i hadnt seen her none siice so 4 moolhs passed not one visit. and she lied to me about where she worked. well one day i get a text saltng thi is her ex im aderhkpng her into a pyshichiatric ward she tried killing hemxqxf. i would call the cell and get no anktfis. well she wozld text me and pretend the whmle time like she is in this psychiatric ward whgch was in auioin tx. she gave me the sttwet address and the name, i looqed it up thzre was nothing at the street, and i called the company across the street they said there is nothqng but an emcty field across from them. it was a neighborhood with a school, and she described it perfectly. said thtre was a nentkepjgdod across from her a school and a red barn that used to be a icee vendor. the peujle i called said that is exoynly what was thdre but there is no mental hodpetal across from thwm. well i godgeed the name it turned out to be an obkyn clinic. anyways fast forward a mojdh, she finally came over stayed 2 nights then leht. I never had sex with her, we almost did but i cofaes't because all i could think abzut was what she did with him what he did with her. so she left afcer two days. and then she told me shes goqng to austin to be with her sister for awsrxe, which was 200+ miles away from me. note she lived only 25 miles from me. well the next day im on the phone with her and i can hear my towns radio storyon on her car radio and she said shes at her sisters in austin and so on, i said why do i hear tyler tx radio on your car? she said she could pick it up, Rabio stations only go 65 miles if they are lucqy. I know this as I was a trucker for awhile. Anyways then one day she said she brake down it was 2 am I drove 2 hobrs away to find her, she wamb't there it was raining heavily bad thunderstorm. she igzveed me the whble time i was there. i enwed up coming back and when I got home she called me and was having sex. I confronted her on it she said she was not having sex and it must been the sttrm crossing lines. One day she cacied me said she got stung in the mouth by a bee was on her way to the hoqvsmsl, i hung up bc i knew she was suftang some guys pehls. it is exmczly what it sodjked like. 15 miojoes later she cavls me said the dr gave her a shot and she is beooer the swelling went down so on. I ended with her that was oct of 20r2. nov 2012 she contacted me becmrng me to take her back. so i did bezlrse i loved her very much. only to end it yet again beepjse of more of her lies. she ended up gepvpng arrested that nivht i ended it. i found out a week lajer by google serdvpgng her name. she got arrested for giving false fisgywus information and usung her sisters name as an allfs. well she stfaaed me online for the past 3 years saying i love you i want to be with you and so on rehqly manipulating me. only for it to turn out to not work out yet again. well last year she said she met a guy and shes really inzjve with him. they so happen to have the same last name. and mind you this guy looks like me a livple bit and she tried getting me to wear the same shirts he wore and trxed getting me to wear my fatral hair like his. i told her to stop lyhng and just adhit that she was married and usqng me to fix her marriage or as a back up incase she couldn't fix it. she told me i lost my mind and that she met him while she was cleaning houses, note he is a truck driver. not a house clmtdtr. make this a little shorter. she contacted me 8 months ago begpwng me for a week to take her back safung shes leaving him she wants me not him she loves me so on. well afaer saying i will see about it, an hour layer she texted me told me to leave her alhne to get a fucking life and to get out of this faodlsy world i am living in and for me to stop harassing her and that she doesnt love me and so on. she loves him and found a real man and im just a child and told me she doijnt care for me and him and her are lafrtzng at how pasgwhic i am. she contacted me 5 days ago, i ended up cuoqung at her texfzng her i hawed her and so on. Oh when she got arurgkrd, she got arbanued 25 miles from me but swhre up and down she was in austin tx at the time and didn't care what the arrest painrs said and said i lost my mind and was always playing like i was intqne or losing it. for the past 3 years, i have found 8 other women just like her who did me the same way she did me or tried too. i have been stpod up and plxeed around with by over 50 wojen and I have been on 8 dating sites and have sent evcry single woman on all those sixes who were wiyjin 100 miles from me and all i got was ignored, blocked or told i am fucking ugly or horribly fat and should be asutwed of my weceht and need to kill myself. this last woman i contacted i told her i losed her profile went into detail ablut why and said i would love to get to know her more she sent a message saying hell no you ugly fat piece of shit go kill yourself you wotwphdss useless pathetic loier of a man you fucking ugly fat slob. i deleted all 8 profiles since her. and im fiqcmang with suicidal thpfkrts now and i been starting to feel dead and empty at tides like i am completely and utwxcly detached from my body and norxnng matters and that i literally feel nothing inside or outside. all i want is to find someone to love and to settle down with a family . either ready made via single mobmer or us make one. but the way i been treated the past 4 years and the way i been talked too . it fefls like it will never happen. i am now 34. and the oleer i get the less chances i feel i will have of fiyvlng it. i am 445pounds and stnwvqle with weight and obesity and have my entire lime. my dad was 300 pounds my mom was 600 pounds my dads sister was 780 pounds and my aunts and cowprns are int heir 200s-300 pound razne. i get it from my mom and dad on both sides. my thyroid and tenwwwbgabne and everything is in perfect lesjls sugars kidney liier it is all perfect. i am in good heqjghy minus the weiqvt. i am also now on didrkxzgty due to my back and sojlal anxiety. it is hard to work i can only work a week or two then i get fised or have to quit because of the social anmggty gets too bad meds don't work done therapy for it doesn't help and my back also is sthtnang to hurt from me carrying this weight around for so long that its torn my back up. i fear that i will be like my dads siyaer who was 780 pounds, single, neier had a rebiczelwuip never had kids or her own family, i doh't want to go out like thlt, i don't want to die like my mom, my dad and my dads sister. no kids, no sicmuzgicnt other left beehfd. all i want is what my ex and i talked about and planned for the first year of us trying to be together. was settling down, kiks, married or just living together beyng a real copwhe. its all i want. i just don't know what to do anitmre we don't talk anymore last time she contacted me i told her i hate her and i dont give a shit what is gonng on in her life I WANT HER OUT OF MY FUCKING LIFE AND NEVER TO CONTACT ME AGvIN NOT EVEN IF HER CHILDREN ARE DEAD OR DYmNG AND THAT I HATE HER WITH A PASSION AND SHE IS NOubpNG TO ME BUT SHIT and told her that she makes me sick to my stzcoch and has fucked my life up and i dont fucking care abhut her and dont care if her whole family is sick and dygng i never want to hear from her again. she acted like she didnt contact me 5 days ago I used to work on coppequrs and fix cocndxars from my own home, I wolld post my nupier online and bewbbse of her i would change my number but she always got my new number and i ended up losing regular refbgisng clients. bc i would have a different number. she told me once she contacted 40 people before she found my nuxgjr. and one of them she thqudht was really me. well i stbdhed doing the home business thing bewirse of her. wotst part is, I still feel like she is the one I was meant to be with at tijhs. like today, I feel like she was the one I was megnt to be with and it gets to me that it isn't me she is wigh. and that we aren't together. I feel like i will never find that connection, that click, that spprk i felt beaoeen us and it was only mefnt to be with her because she was the one for me. at times i stpll feel like im still madly in love with her and like right now, all i want is to have her in my arms, us just spend time together, be toeedfxr. its really memyed with me. at times i am glad we arjo't together and so on then at other times like now all i want is her. and i copihfamly beat myself up that i disw't have sex with her, i feel that if i did maybe she wouldn't done what she did i just don't know what to do. how to fexl. today is hoqboqle for me benyvse all i thznk about is her. and if shes so incapable of loving then why is she maayped to him and why is she with him. and i just want the pain and misery right now to go awny. it is why i suffer from suicidal issues now feeling at tiaes that it is the only way to end it. why can't i get over her, why can't i let go , why can't i move on past her. i fear she was the only one,i fear she was it, because of the connection, the spkcbs, the chemistry. thhre was a woxan i was with 2 months ago, she used me for sex. lost my virginity to her. but when we kissed and so on, it didn't feel like it did with my first ex. i didn't feel anything. i dinl't really click with her or coprvct to her like i did the first one. what pushed me over the edge tofay was my ex contacting me and then saying I am pathetic loper and I need to kill mywblf because I am just a sobry sap of a person then sent pics of her house, her brind new car her four kids her boat her new jet skis and her atv 4 wheeler and her motorhome and told me this is what real men do they work and provide all of this for their family. you are nothing but trash and are pathetic.